Teach your children to ACT UP for better friendships

There’s a new way for children to ACT UP, and instead of getting them into trouble, it can lead them to new and better friendships.

ACT UP for Friendship offers parents five means to help their children become better friends: Act, Converse, TuneIn, be UpBeat, Practice.

ACT – All children need the skills to make friends. For some children it may take more encouragement and effort. Encourage your child to:

• Make time for friends. It’s hard to build rapport and friendship if she’s not spending time with others or making an effort to get together.
• Say hello to someone new every day.
• Join a new club or activity. One of the best ways to meet new people is through shared interests and activities.
• Introduce herself. Attending five club meetings a week won’t gain her new friends if she doesn’t try to meet the people there. Explain it is hard to take that first step, but as other kids meet her, they will get to know her and include her.
• Volunteer. She will not only meet new people, but also will do something worthwhile, which can also build self-esteem.

CONVERSE – The better your child can talk with other kids, the better off his friendship skills will be. Help his conversation skills by teaching him to:

• Give others a chance to talk and to make sure others have a turn in conversation. Make sure if he accidentally interrupts someone else, he says, “Excuse me.”
• Maintain eye contact with the person who is talking.
• Keep the conversation going by asking questions about what the other person is talking about.
• Choose topics that are not mean, rude or offensive to anyone in the group and that everyone is interested in.
• Make sure everyone has finished talking about the current subject before suddenly changing topics.

TUNEIN – Body language tells people a lot about how well we are paying attention. Teach your child positive body language and listening skills including:

• Paying attention to the conversation. Try not to fidget, look away, yawn, play with hair, etc.
• Letting her friend finish her thoughts. If your daughter’s already planning her answer before her friend is done, remind her to listen more closely.
• Following the 50-50 rule: Spend no more than half the conversation time speaking.
• Giving feedback that she’s paying attention by nodding her head and repeating back the idea of what her friend said.
• Keeping a proper distance from the person she’s talking with. Too close and they feel uncomfortable, too far and they feel distant.

UPBEAT – People like to be around positive people. Teach your child to be on the positive side of life by:

• Being positive about himself. Make sure your son knows his own good qualities. If necessary, have him write them down and look at the list often. Remind him that others are insecure also; it’s all about how you show your insecurities.
• Developing a sense of humor. Teach him to laugh at himself and his shortcomings. It’s easier than worrying about them and how other people see his shortcomings.
• Acting and looking friendly by putting a sincere smile on his face. Smiling at other people acknowledges he knows they’re around and makes him look friendly and approachable.
• Paying attention to the details. Teach him to notice the positive points of others – even something as simple as a new haircut or a great job on a school project. People like to be acknowledged.
• Being nice to people. Always think the best about others and give them your best – wave to an acquaintance, hold a door open for a stranger.

PRACTICE – It only takes one or two friends to make a difference in your child’s life. Knowing how to make friends doesn’t have to come naturally; knowing how to make friends can be learned. Teach your child to:

• Talk with one new person every day. Just smile and say hello. Once a person says “hi” back, all it takes is an easy question – about the weather, about the school, about a class – to get a conversation started.
• Think of conversation ideas ahead of time. Her plans can be as simple as talking about last night’s game or what happened in history class.
• Develop conversations with small groups at first, maybe two or three people. Practice new skills with people she knows and trusts – maybe even her parents! As she is more sure of her skills, she can try them out on more people – the girl in the next bus seat or at his lunch table.
• Practice conversation skills before meetings or event. Decide on topics she can join or add to a conversation. It will seem weird having a conversation with herself, but it is a great way to practice and to become comfortable with new skills.
• Pay attention to the different ways she communicates at different times and have her try out a variety of skills – smiling, sharing, questioning – as the time happens.

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