 Parenting Tips
Stress and Kids
Coping
- Maintain familiar routines.
- Respect fears.
- Reassure strong feelings (guilt, shame,
embarrassment) are normal.
- Provide healthy outlet for emotions.
- Help find activities that offer opportunities to experience mastery, control and self-esteem.
- Teach to step back from stressful situation to return refreshed and ready.
- Tackle one task at a time; a to-do list.
- Create action plan.
- Find a physical activity child enjoys.
- Write a letter to someone who has distressed you. You don’t have to sent it. Writing clears head and gets them off your chest.
- Keep a diary to keep track of thoughts and feelings.
- Parents can model stress reducing behavior and coach their kids to “de-stress.”
- Experiment with which ideas work best with your child.
- Don’t try to “fix” everything. Avoid giving advice. Often just listening so your kids feel truly heard relieves their stress.
- Ask questions that encourage your child to think a situation through.
- Help children “hear” themselves. Encourage them to become aware of their thoughts and any “negative self-talk.”
- Make room in routine for “down time.”
- Give your child time to get ready to go to sleep.
- Listen to your child without judging or trying to solve problems.
- Take your child seriously.
- Help your child identify what’s stressing her out. Recognizing stresses makes them more manageable.
- Learn to model own stress well. Kids watch how parents handle stress and follow suit.
- Think about what’s making you feel bad.
- Talk over the problem with a friend.
- Plan your work if you’re getting behind.
- Set goals to work your way through a problem.
- Make sure you’re getting enough exercise.
- Don’t say ‘yes’ when you’d rather say ‘no’ and then you won’t be worrying.
- Parents should monitor own stress levels.
- Keep lines of communication open.
- No matter how busy their schedule, children need time to play and relax.
- Children who do not have any close friendships are at risk for developing stress-related difficulties; parents should encourage friendships by scheduling playdates, sleepovers and other fun activities.
- Build self-esteem and confidence.
- Keep child up-to-date. Keep kids informed on what’s happening in the family. Children can be bewildered at what’s happening to them.
- Look ahead. Anticipate incidents that might be stressful for your child and help them prepare. Talk well in advance about the event and any worries your child might have. Acknowledgement can cut anxiety.
- Talk and listen. Encourage child to describe how he feels. Its not necessary to solve every problem, just talking can help.
- Involve your child – get him to help think up solutions to problems.
- Encourage independence – achieving things gives a boost.
- Don’t put too much pressure on your child to achieve.
- Make your own behavior an example of how to handle stressful situations.
- Make sure your child has relaxation time.
- Don’t forget or ignore your child in times of crisis or family change.
- Be available to talk to your child and acknowledge and validate feeling.
- Leave time for a relaxing morning and evening routine.
- Do not expect perfection.
- Accept a child for who he is.
- Set small attainable goals and evaluate.
- Offer appropriate venues to vent anger or aggression.
- Remember, stomachache, headache, etc. may be symptoms of stress but to a child they are real physical ailments. Acknowledge that they are real.
- Teach kids to recognize and express their emotions and to use healthy ways to copy with the stress they experience.
- Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice something he might be feeling.
- Listen to your child. Don’t judge, blame or lecture. Let your child’s concerns/feelings be heard.
- Comment on the feelings you think your child was experiencing “that must have been upsetting” etc. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel connected.
- Put a label on it. Use feeling words “angry, frustrated” etc. to help child learn to identify emotions by name. Help child develop emotional awareness – ability to recognize emotional states.
- Help child think of things to do. Suggest activities your child can do to feel better now and to solve the problem at hand. Encourage child to think of ideas.
- Just be there.
- Be patient. Resist the urge to fix every problem.
- Listen and ask children how they feel.
- Honesty and openness – talk and encourage children to express their feelings openly.
- Physical exercise – exercise helps burn off stressful feeling.
- Teach children to recognize symptoms of stress and the changes in themselves – rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, headaches, tummy aches, tense muscles, panicky feelings.
- Created action plan for handling an upcoming worrisome challenge.
- Identify activities that relax.
- Analyze how you explain failure. Laying blame vs. taking responsibility are different.
- Sleep and eat properly.
- Purge your intense emotions - journal, etc.
- Set reasonable boundaries (not, lose 20 pounds before prom in 2 weeks).
- Set priorities.
- Get physical.
Relaxation
- Deep breaths, slowly to 10, release more tension with each exhale.
- Deep breathing exercises to produce relaxation.
- Try some deep belly breathing with child.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through nose then exhale slowly through mouth. Do this 2-4 times.
- Whole body tension – tense all muscles in body and hold. Slowly release tension and feel tension leave body. Repeat
- Do stretch, walk the dog, treadmill, any movement they enjoy.
- Part 1: Lie down flat with eyes shut, arms at side and legs straight. Breathe in and out deeply for 20 counts. Let body go loose and floppy with slow breathing. Part 2: Starting with feet, tense [make tight] then relax all large muscles in your body. Breathe in, tense feet, hold for 5. Breathe out, relax feet for 5 slowly. Go to next set of muscles (calf muscles) and repeat. Work way up body until tensed and relaxed every group of muscles.
- Tense and relax muscles slowly, starting at toes and working way up body. Tense and relax toes, then toes and ankles, then toes, ankles and calves, etc.
Stress
- Children often react to stress by showing inappropriate, even disturbing behavior.
- Parents often say stress seems to exaggerate behavior that’s already there.
- Young people are often unaware of how stress is affecting their emotions or behaviors.
- Stress in children often goes unrecognized.
- Any change that a person does not feel they have the resources to cope with, that’s stress.
- A key component of stress is change.
- What the effect of excess energy produced by the “flight or fight” response? Unless it has an outlet, it begins to wear you down as stress.
- As more things happen, we get more stressed, which means we get too tired and can’t think properly, which means more things go wrong.
- Word used to describe circumstances when an individual feels under undue pressure.
- Is what you feel when you are worried or uncomfortable about something. Bad stress is what happens if stressful feeling keeps going over time.
- “What makes a bad day for you?” They can give lots of answers and that’s stress.
- During grade-school years, children are concerned with pleasing teachers, parents, guardians and coaches. School life brings higher level of stress. The threat of not being accepted by peers terrifies them.
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