Parenting Tips
Building Strong Families

Is your family a gem or a diamond in the rough? Like a precious stone, families need a variety of facets – or features – to help them shine. Polish your family life with these six FACETS of strong families:

• Fun
• Affection
• Communication
• Encouragement
• Time
• Structure

Fun

Family life isn’t supposed to be a hardship; allow for fun in your life. Fun improves attitudes and positive attitudes are reflected in actions. How do you make sure there’s fun in your family’s life?

• Have all family members make a list of things they like to do. For shorter activities, pick one night a week; for longer activities, pick one weekend or weekend day/month.
• Be silly. Have a pillow fight or duel with foam swim noodles. Hold a hula hoop or dance contest.
• Remember, having fun is a great way to build positive family memories and to develop a pattern of teamwork to get your family through more difficult times.

Affection

Strong families show they care for each other. As children near their teen years, they may have trouble expressing their love. Don’t let that discourage you from telling them “I love you.” Other ways to share affection:

• Develop a personal “signal” that says “I love you” to be used in public.
• Maintain a positive attitude in your interactions with each other. Tell family members you appreciate them and show them respect.
• Develop a bedtime routine of telling your child “I love you.”

Communicate

Believe it or not, even though you share the same DNA, you and your children cannot read each other’s minds; strong families build communication skills and, more importantly, listen to each other:

• Communication takes time and practice. Make sure you have time in your day to talk: at the dinner table, during chores, in the car, at bedtime.
• Communication is talking with each other, not at each other. Ask your child’s opinion on topics: news, the dinner menu, chores, house rules, school, teachers, etc. It not only opens a dialog, it also helps a child feel valued.
• Give your undivided attention when talking with your kids: no reading, no work, no TV, unless you’re using that activity to talk (such as chatting while doing chores together or watching a specific television show).
• Your kids will talk if they know you’re willing to listen. Begin by talking about minor events and your kids will learn you will listen when they want to discuss the big things.

Encourage

There is no place where being appreciated and accepted is more important than in the family. Supporting family members and cheering them on as they tackle new challenges is vital to building a sense of unity. How can we encourage our children?

• Acknowledge when they’ve done something right: “Thanks for following through on your chores” or “You did a nice job.”
• Support them through the difficult steps of learning a new skill or participating in a new activity. They may not succeed at first, but continue to serve as their “fan club” as they continue to practice and learn.
• Leave hidden notes of encouragement in unexpected places: ­clothes drawer, instrument/sports case, etc.

Time

To have a strong family, family has to be important. The best way to show what’s important is your calendar. With our busy lives, how do we get to spend time with our families?

• Make it an appointment in your schedule. Plan family time or family activities and put them on your calendar. Set aside the last 15 minutes of each day to be together, even if it is just being in the same room together reading.
• Be creative. One family wanted to share a daily meal but was too busy to make dinner work. Instead, they meet every morning at the breakfast table to share their meal.
• Use the time you already have – riding in the car, waiting at appointments etc. One idea: instead of having everyone “plugged in” during car rides to activities, let everyone have a “music day.” Each person gets to listen to her music in the car on that day. Not only can you discuss the music, but also you can learn each other’s likes and dislikes. Remember to respect each other’s choices.
• Spend one-on-one time with each child on a regular basis. Set up a Mom/Son dinner night out, etc.

Structure

Regardless of what they tell you, children want rules. Strong families build a framework to provide a sense of stability and well being in a chaotic daily world. How can you give structure to your family?

• Set clear expectations and enforce them consistently.
• Discuss rules and expectations with your family and let them have input in the decision process. This is a time to communicate and listen.
• Don’t forget to allow flexibility if circumstances warrant it. Also remember to review family rules as your family grows and changes.  

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