www.concern4kids.org: Teenager's Friends

Parenting Tips
When You Don't Like Your Teenager's Friends

Remember what it was like to be a teen? It’s probably the most difficult time in a young person’s life: not a child yet not an adult. Think about it ... Give a teen a chance! Here are some tips to working with teens.

In a teen’s world, friends are very important. Teens frequently feel that their friends are the only ones that understand them. They also feel that adults couldn’t possibly understand how they feel because they’re "old." If you don’t like or trust a teen’s friends, complications can quickly arise. It is also critical to find a way to encourage a child to seek out other friends rather than discourage a particular friend. As people get older they can identify appropriate people to interact with and typically make good decisions about their friends. This doesn’t happen without making mistakes.

The following are some tips for encouraging appropriate social interaction and for ensuring your child makes friends and develops appropriately:

Make your home available and welcoming for your child and friends. This will give you a chance to know them; especially ones you don’t trust.

If you’re worried that a friend or group is negatively influencing your child, try to get to know them before discouraging their friendship. Ask your child to invite friends to your home so you can get to know them.

Try to separate emotions or rumors from facts when making judgments about your child’s friends. Base your judgment on what you see and what you know.

Focus on positive conversations about your child’s social life in general rather than negative criticism of a particular friend. The child may see criticism of their friends as an attack on their own judgment.

See if your teen child is interested in part time work or getting involved in an extracurricular activity. This can turn their attention a new direction while taking up time that might otherwise be spent with friends.

If you’re worried about your child’s safety when he or she is with certain friends, tell them without overreacting or being dramatic and without accusing them or their friend of anything. Always remember, you are your child’s primary protector when they are in your home or under your care.

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